I'm not allowed to wear pants...ever?
Ok I posed this question before....But I'm just letting you all know I've tried talking to my dad. He said as long as I live at home, I'm not wearing pants. I'm not ready to move out, and I'm so sick of these skirts im ready to throw up. please read previous question (listed below) for the details. Ok, before you start rambling on about how we dont live in the 1800s, please read. I am part of a traditional (pre vatican II) church, where all the women and girls wear skirts.....all the time. My family is very close to a number of families there, and basically most of my social life revolves around church people (Which I dont really mind!) My boyfriend of three years is a part of an extremely conservative family, and all his sisters wear long skirts. I am 19 years old and in college. I live at home with my dad, who would flip if he even knew that I would really prefer pants. The thing is, I am sick of wearing skirts every day, and people find it so strange at college and I'm not sure how to explain it to them. I'm so sick of being different form the world. The problem is however, that if I started wearing pants, it would ruin my reputation at my church (yes, they would all find out) because they believe women in pants is immodest. My boyfriend would hate it too...because hes ultra conservative. My dad would make my life miserable, and would always make rude comments about how ridiculous I look in jeans. So basically if I start wearing pants, I would have to move out of my house, my boyfriend ashamed, and cause a "scandal" to all my Catholic friends and ruin my reputation. My whole life would change. But I really want to wear pants. I want to enjoy my college life and have fun with my own sense of style. I don't know what to do. Please don't criticize. I already understand what time period we're living in...but their philosophy is that "the modern world is a battle". Please try to understand my circumstances and give some good advice! I will give maximum points to whoever can help me out the most! Thanks! So basically I just need advice on what to say to my dad. I plan on talking to him when he comes home from work tonight. How should I start the conversation? What could I say to him to convince him that everything will be ok if I wear pants?
Fashion & Accessories - 14 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
"If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people."
2 :
Say that you need to express yourself by having your very own style of clothes. You are old enough to make your decisions on what to wear or not. Tell your dad that you don't want to be very religious, and that expressing yourself is more important to you than following the dress code of the church.
3 :
wow this is a tough situation but i would try telling him that, skirts are fine to wear but you would also like to include pants in your wardrobe to not only have a change but clothing gives people a sense of individuality and wearing JUST skirts makes you feel like you can't be as individual and true to yourself as you would like. and also say something about change is good.....i wish you good luck and im sorry i wish i could help more!
4 :
Forget the church, you won't get a thing when you die and religion is man's way of dividing people and setting them against one another. You're an adult, wear your trousers (pants) and tell your father you're in charge of your own body and how you dress it and if he wanted you to live in the 1800's he should set about making a time machine. I'm a catholic (non practising) and I can't relate to any of this nonsense, in Catholic countries like Italy and Ireland they wouldn't dream of stopping kids from wearing trousers, you obviously worship some rare strain of the Catholic church. reject it at once my love and be free. I'm surprised he lets you have a boyfriend!. They're right the modern world IS a battle because people are at each others throats due to society's unnecessary divisions, of which religion is the biggest one. Tell your father that how you adorn your body is no reflection of your morals, tell him "pants" are more comfortable and practical. If he flatly refuses then put them in your bag and change when you get to school, believe me there is no deity that cares if you wear a skirt or not.
5 :
I've never had to deal with that, so i will help you as best as i can. I would say that you should tell him that there is really no big deal about wearing pants. Or maybe, if you want to slowly slip the whole pants thing into your life, then you could start with wearing an almost knee length dress with some skinny jeans that way it kind of looks like leggings instead of pants, and when your dad finds out that it is pants not leggings then he might realize that its not such a big deal. That is, if you are already allowed to wear leggings.
6 :
Catholics got it all wrong. If you're 18 hell with everyone else. If it's your parents can't see past the pants you don't need them.
7 :
I really can't connect or understand at all. As coming from a Catholic family as well, there was never such rule in dress code that took away my freedom of what I want to express. Even to mass all my friends and family wear pants. There's nothing that we're exposing to the world to let other people see wearing pants that would offend God. I think it's quite ridiculous, that you've put up 19 years of this, I don't think it's fair to let a religion rule your life, and it shouldn't. Honestly, isn't pants the better alternative to skirts? It completely conceals your legs, and there's no way people can see through them. Let your dad know that in this day in age, he has to overcome those rules because this tradition has probably been over way long ago. Explain to him in college there's a lot of sterotypes going on and wearing skirts doesn't help the situation. Why don't you guys compromise? That if he let's you wear pants, it'll be nothing too tight or inappropriate. Just simple pants. Good luck !
8 :
Wow, tough situation. Well i dont have much advice, the only thing i could think of is that while wearing a skirt, if you sit wrong or something could happen and you'd end up flashing everyone! im sure thats not what your dad wants. no matter what you wont be able to flash anyone if you have a proper fitting pair of jeans. hope i helped.
9 :
I totally get where you are coming from on this one. This is a tough situation! I would start by just maybe talking about school and how your style affects how you are being treated there. and then say something about how you are legally an adult now and you feel like you should be able to make your own decisions about what you wear. You could say, "Dad I know you just want what is best for me and I respect that. I am still very active in our faith and I have been doing a good job at it for quite some time now. I was wondering if maybe, if I keep my grades up and I practice our religion even more, if I could maybe start having a casual friday or a day a week or month when I can wear pants." If that works after a while, start making it 2 times a month/week. Make sure you stay very respectful and polite through this. If he says no and you feel desperate, put on some jeans or pants under the skirt and change at school. not recommending that but it's a thought... Good Luck!
10 :
Tell him you think your ass would look better in some apple bottom jeans and ask him if he doesn't think so... I'm sure that conversation will be a fun one... If you don't want to do that tell him you prefer jeans over skirts cause you worry that people might be trying to look under your skirt. Also tell him... OBAMA WEARS JEANS!!! WHY CAN'T I DAD!!?!?!?! UGH, I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!!... or something similar...
11 :
you can start off by sayin, "hey dad, evthin ok? how was work?" and then he'll answer n might ask u n u say "it was alright not bad.. well actually dad.. there are some kids at school and they were wondering why i cant wear pants.. and well its just that they say theyre very comfy and easy around the house." n dont let him interrupt u if he dus say "dad plz just hear me out" n then u say "n its just that.. well.. i think that i would be more comfortable wearing pants than skirts.. n i know its part of who i am but its not.. its just not me" plz understand your the only one i can talk to (unless you can talk to ur mom) and i want to be comfortable askin you abt somethin and for once bein myself - it might sound cheesy but it CUD wrk u can always write a note n leave it where u no he wud look write the note if ur very nervous abt talkin to him :P GOOD LUCK!!~
12 :
Would you or your family be at all open to you attending a different Catholic church that isn't so traditional? Is there a Catholic Newman center at your college? Being at a university is the best time in your life to get out there and experience new things, and discover who you truly are so I REALLY hope you can break free from your dad's wardrobe constraints. My first bit of advice would be to look into living in the dorms. You may not think you're ready to move out yet, but you'll never know if you don't push yourself and try new things (like wearing pants :) )! And I know staying at home saves money, but I think being out on your own really helps you learn a lot about yourself. Most colleges have all girl dorms or Catholic dorms that your dad might consider letting you stay in. There are tons of financial aid and scholarship opportunities out there if you need help with funds. This way, you don't have to follow your dads rules 24/7 because you won't be living in his house! :) If you can accomplish this, definitely still keep the skirts for every time you have to visit your family just to show them respect. As for your boyfriend....do you really want to be with someone who wants you to do something you don't want to do? I know it might be stupid to break up with a guy simply because you wish you could wear jeans every once in a while and he doesn't want you to, but wouldn't you rather be with someone who accepts your personal choices? This is a hard choice for you, I'm sure. I think your best bet to get out and start living life the way you want to (even if it's just by wearing pants every once in a while) is to ease out of your dad's house by signing up to live in the dorms. Hope this helps a little!
13 :
You can always try leggings or something of the sort. It could be a compromise. I know you really want to wear skirts, but many people consider skirts and leggings rather in style, the skirt doesn't have to be really short like some may think. When you talk to your dad, let him know how you want to enjoy your own fashion sense and college life and how you think that wearing pants might achieve that. Talk to him about how pants can be modest too and maybe offer to show him the ones you've picked out to show that they aren't bad. If he still says you shouldn't maybe offer the leggings idea and slowly ease him into the idea. Good luck with him and I hope that you can express yourself the way you want to.
14 :
first of all i'm not spell checking this so bear with me also i may be a little bias cause i am christian wow i know stating the convo can be hard so just be like.."dad can we talk"...and get him when he's relaxed.. ask him to let you speak and for him to just listen ..that way you can avid arguing..explain to him how you feel and that you respect the church and don't want to be inmodest in anyway. i suggest you come to a compromise of some sort like you'll only wear pants to school and that you'll wear loose pants ,etc. let him know that you don't want to loose your reputation as a modest girl but you do want to try new things. make it clear that you're still religious (which it seems you are and like church) . don't live a miserable life if you truly are unhapy with the skirts..honestly their just skirts it dosn't really make you less of a person or beleiver. as for your boyfriend 3 yrs is a long time! sounds to me like your pretty serious ... i have question for you to answer..if you were to marry him would you be content living a pant-less life and you said he'd hate it so i wonder if he's understanding and only bases his views on religion and not his love for you..don't get me wrong ad break up with him but you should talk to him after your dad. your dad is the head of the household and at this point in charge of you. have you spoken with your mother? what's her view if you talk to her first and have her there when you talk to your dad it'll be easier . you're only in college and if you like your whole life would change are you prepared for it? they way you say it makes this decision life changing...talk to your father but with out definates so you can always change your mind as a christian i say you pray and as God for wisdom on how to handle this and remember to respect your father regardless of how strong you feel about this hope this helps but ultimately i think you should really maditate on this and figure out all your options to your decisions hope this helps:) and good luck
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